The Brides Guide to Bridesmaids

Planning your wedding is not easy. Everyone has advice. Everyone has an opinion. And that's just the people you know! If you were to read just half the books, pamphlets, web sites, etc. written in the last half-century about wedding etiquette and protocol, you'd be reading and planning until your retirement! So how do you choose whose advice to heed and what resources are most relevant?

Unfortunately, we can't help you with the first part of that question: You'll have to wage your own battles with Aunt Frances and Grandma Helen over the seating arrangements. We can, however, point you to the most helpful resources: books, magazines and web sites that tell you what you need to know, not what you need to do (a selection of resources are listed below). We restrict our discussion to what we know best - information and tips on "managing" your bridesmaids. We refrain from telling you what to do, because your creativity and imagination are what will make your wedding celebration memorable. We'll just provide a little help along the way.

As a bride-to-be, wedding chief executive and senior creative officer, you'll be faced with a barrage of questions, comments and suggestions from your bridesmaids. Your "staff" will look to you for help, direction and sometimes even dispute resolution. We hope that after reading this book, like a seasoned CEO, you'll have the background, context and knowledge to manage your bridesmaids effectively and easily. So, without further ado, The Bride's Guide to Bridesmaids.

Introduction

Although there is a tremendous amount of literature on how to be a "good" bride, there is a noticeable lack of information about bridesmaids. Even if you were a bridesmaid in another wedding, did the bride explain to you what your role was, what she expected from you, and where you could help? As a bride yourself, you will find that establishing your bridesmaids' responsibilities up front is the most effective way to be on top of everything. Perhaps your biggest questions surround the bridesmaid dress, fittings and finding the right fabric. Whatever your questions are about managing your bridesmaids, we can help you find the answers.

We open with a brief discussion of the bridesmaid tradition, and then move on to modern day rituals, expectations and tendencies. As we move from the past to the present, we'll lay out what you need to know to run the show in the days leading up to your wedding - including a detailed list of your bridesmaids' responsibilities. Finally, we step into the future, outlining the important information you'll need to organize your bridesmaids and enjoy the wonderful celebration on your wedding day.back to toChoosing Your BridesmaidsA Brief HistoryThe history of the bridesmaid varies across cultures, religions and time periods. In early Roman times, bridesmaids formed a kind of bridal infantry as they accompanied the bride to the groom's village. This "protective shield" of similarly outfitted bridesmaids was supposed to intervene if any wayward thugs or vengeful suitors tried to hurt the bride or steal her dowry.

However, the Western bridesmaid tradition seems to have originated from later Roman law, which required ten witnesses at a wedding in order to outsmart evil spirits believed to attend marriage ceremonies. The bridesmaids and ushers dressed in identical clothing to the bride and groom, so that the evil spirits wouldn't know who was getting married. Even as late as 19th century England, the belief that ill-wishers could administer curses and taint the wedding still existed. In Victorian wedding photographs, for example, it can take quite a bit of inspection to pick out the bride and groom from among the other members of the bridal party!

The Modern Day Bridesmaid

These early customs continue to have an influence today. The expression "thrice a bridesmaid, never a bride" arose from the bridesmaid's interception of, and gradual infection by (over the course of three weddings), the evil spirits trying to disrupt the ceremony! And, although the bridal party no longer functions as a troop of foot soldiers, bridesmaid dresses are still commonly chosen in harmony with the look and feel of the wedding. The bridal party continues to serve a vital role in the wedding process, not by fending off hexes and robbers, but by providing key support staff and an advisory board. Besides being an honored member of the wedding party and special guest at the reception, today's bridesmaid is also designated as the bride's special assistant. From shopping for dresses to scouting hotels for out-of-town guests to writing place cards to hosting a bridal shower, her first duty is to be helpful. The payoff is that walk down the aisle, looking absolutely beautiful in a gown that is stylish, sophisticated, colorful and absolutely wearable. In 21st century America, bridesmaids are chosen to be caring helpers, thoughtful organizers and skillful liaisons.